Hi Essena,
I may seem too young to have a story as I am only 14, but some day I would like to write a book about it and help young people to get out of these kinds of situations.It is a very long story so ill try and cut it down!So, it all started when I was in grade 3, my parents started to fight a lot. almost every night. They were always fighting. I was scared of my dad for a while there. He used to come home late, drunk as ever. or sometimes not even at all. So the three of us, (my little brother, my mum and i) wouldn’t get much sleep, as we waited up in fear of him coming home and starting a fight. My dad always accused my mum of having affair. I never believed this and I was always on my mums side. Anyway, one night I was sick of it all. So I shouted at him. I told him to shut up. Now this was a massive thing for me. I had been terrified of my dad. and from then on I wasn’t. I stood up for myself, my mum and my little brother. Anyway a couple of years later after constant fighting, my mum moved out and my parents had shared custody. It was a week about kind of thing. It was going really great, Until I found out my mum got a new boyfriend 3 months later. I was still getting over it all and only being 11 years old. It was hard! Along with this. I was going into high school when this all happened. I hated the way I looked. I was the tallest person in my grade by about half a foot. But being 12, I tried to look past that. I had to be strong for my little brother. Anyway, my mum basically chose her boyfriend over me and I moved out to live with my dad. And in this time I broke my ankle. I took out all of my emotions playing sport. And now that was gone. I starved myself. I lied to my friends saying I was eating and I lied to myself saying it was ok to do. Anyway I got back on my feet and then about 2 months later I broke the other one. But this time I didnt have the strength to starve myself again. I put on so much weight. And I started to harm myself. I never told anyone. I hated myself. The way i looked. My life. the way I dressed. My voice. My hair. The people around me. My body. everything. This went on for a quite a while. And it got really bad. I never wanted to tell anyone. But I expressed myself on tumblr. Writing a “my story” page. I didnt want anyone at school to know. I put on that fake smile and pretended to be happy. I then decided to eat healthy. and to this day i have been sugar free since. (10 months) But because my self esteem got so bad I still hated myself. And my dad started to tell me how “fat” I was. Which made me feel even worse! He started to get angry at me for everything. And one night he cracked and started throwing pots knives plates. everything at me. (I hadn’t talked to my mum in over a year at this point). And so much happened in the next 2 weeks, it is a blur in my head. But basically there was one night. where he asked me to pull down my sleeves. and I ran away. I had my phone in my bra, but he had disconnected it. He turned off the internet. I had no one. So I ran. Originally i was going to run until the end of the street. But I kept going. for about 8km. until my older brother rang me. i went to his place. I decided to go back to my mums. And since then I have found your blog essena. and it changed my life. LITERALLY. I started to try and be positive. And now I love myself fully. I have lost 7kgs. But most importantly I have my life back. I love my life. I love myself. And I now don’t care what other people think of me. I have changed my life just by changing the way I thought. And I have you to thank. I now would like to make a career out of promoting and teaching self love. And I have now got goals and aspirations. Thankyou Essena.My full story is on my tumblr – http://bambilous.tk and I have fitness progress photos on my intagram –http://instagram.com/_tiffanyallen
Essena O'Neill Archive 